"He wore an oversized kerchief wrapped around a small, snugly fitting cap. The kerchief was long enough it hung down the sides of his head and was wrapped under his chin." I liked this description. I'm so-so on westerns, so it gave me an idea this would be a little different. Made me think of the pictures of Ishvalans in FMA.
You do a good job of building the stranger as a man who is very dangerous, that the locals don't really understand. George's voice is a little uneven - ranging between local ungrammatical, cultured, and clunky, but I get it. He's a foreigner, and his voice is meant to be educated but not native.
Nice tension between what he looks like, a Mexican, and what he is, a desert Arab. And you start out describing him specifically as what he looks like, a vaquero, but isn't, with the description of his headgear.
Again, you do fighting very well for someone like me. I am able to follow it, and it makes sense. Not just booms and bangs.
I liked the way you used the camels. I see camels coming up in western stories / movies sometimes, but they usually seem to be a case of someone who doesn't really know how to use them. You build you character as obviously knowing what he's dealing with. It's interesting that George has to learn about mining from books, but clearly knows camels and war from long experience.
The ending surprised me, and is one of the most hopeful things I've read in a while. I wasn't surprised that George was able to defeat the locals who attacked him at the claim, but I was worried that he'd be stopped or run off somehow. That he actually had an olive branch to offer, and in such a way that maybe the locals could accept it... That brought tears to my eyes. Not expecting that.
"He wore an oversized kerchief wrapped around a small, snugly fitting cap. The kerchief was long enough it hung down the sides of his head and was wrapped under his chin." I liked this description. I'm so-so on westerns, so it gave me an idea this would be a little different. Made me think of the pictures of Ishvalans in FMA.
You do a good job of building the stranger as a man who is very dangerous, that the locals don't really understand. George's voice is a little uneven - ranging between local ungrammatical, cultured, and clunky, but I get it. He's a foreigner, and his voice is meant to be educated but not native.
Nice tension between what he looks like, a Mexican, and what he is, a desert Arab. And you start out describing him specifically as what he looks like, a vaquero, but isn't, with the description of his headgear.
Again, you do fighting very well for someone like me. I am able to follow it, and it makes sense. Not just booms and bangs.
I liked the way you used the camels. I see camels coming up in western stories / movies sometimes, but they usually seem to be a case of someone who doesn't really know how to use them. You build you character as obviously knowing what he's dealing with. It's interesting that George has to learn about mining from books, but clearly knows camels and war from long experience.
The ending surprised me, and is one of the most hopeful things I've read in a while. I wasn't surprised that George was able to defeat the locals who attacked him at the claim, but I was worried that he'd be stopped or run off somehow. That he actually had an olive branch to offer, and in such a way that maybe the locals could accept it... That brought tears to my eyes. Not expecting that.